I had a huge disappointment a couple of years ago where a big project that I was working on fell through and it broke my heart for the longest time. But it was a whisper ’not this way’. I didn’t know which way instead then, but I do now 🥹
I try to remind myself that what’s for me won’t go by me but it doesn’t change the icky feelings in those soul breaking moments! It’s hard not to take it personally but I’m glad it moved you onto even better things ✨
That’s such a lovely way of thinking of it. I remember that from your podcast with Claire Coupland. Somethings are meant for us and some aren’t, and that’s ok. ♥️
Rejections can feel so uncomfortable and we really need to feel safe in our body and ourselves to see the lessons and opportunities in them, I realised a while back. Being able to receive them as a gift is a gift in itself that I can now happily receiving over and over again.
Btw Email templates are the best and of course they can always be customised. I swear by them to get started and out of the „oh gosh how to even start“ phase. 💜
You’re so right about the getting started thing. Having templates is so much simpler than starting from a blank page!
Also appreciate your point about feeling safe in ourselves. Something I perhaps missed from my piece is the need to feel resourced when “seeking rejection” since it doesn’t help to be continually outwith your comfort zone 💛
A timely read, Sarah. I had a sore rejection recently, but must admit that the pain of waiting was much worse than receiving the eventual decision. I moved on pretty quickly and definitely resonate with that experience you describe of feeling focused to move forwards.
On a slightly different tip, though, is the submission spreadsheet my agent sent me last week... Oh lordy! Why is a lovely rejection so much harder to take than a cold, hard one would be?! More on this on Sunday. But for now, let's sit together as we welcome the opportunities being turned down brings!
Ah that first rejection I touch on was a lovely one. The second was just so bloody strange. I almost prefer cold and hard!
Not sure if you’ve had the chance to read The Cut article but I found it helpful in terms of emotionally and mentally preparing myself for what’s to come 💛
Sarah you are SO smart! I LOVED reading this! I’m still working through my 100 rejections list - it’s on my office wall but I HAD to pause to do more of the inner work as I spotted a pattern in the “nos” - it’s fascinating work! Beautiful piece! ✨✍️💜
I spent the morning procrastinating over the post as it felt a tad vulnerable to share, then spent this afternoon cuddling with the littlest as he’s a little under the weather. So I almost didn’t publish it at all!
We’re you inspired by Katie Chappell or did your challenge come about another way? It’s great you spotted a pattern and identified what you needed to do next 💛
Oh I hear you on the vulnerability! It’s a special kind of magic to press post on this work!
Your writing is so sophisticated and generous in this space - I feel like I got to know you on such a deeper level in this piece particularly. The storytelling of the pitch and the last two is SO relatable. I got down to the last two for a dream job when my son was small and the feedback was they couldn’t decide and hoped to work with me freelance so they gave it to the other candidate.
Hmm I know Katie’s work - she lives just up the road from me but I feel like originally it might have been in Tara Morr’s book Playing Big or I was listening to Tiffany Han around the same time...
But the download printable I use is from my artist friend Sarah Shotts and I give myself a gold star for every funding app or pitch I make.
The interesting thing recently is I’ve used it for the Sparkle Pod and everyone has said YES! Like emailed straight back and I’m like OH that was easy! 😆
I doubt I would have done it without the chart this year! ✨ 🌟
Oh I loved Playing Big. That book really did leave an impression. In fact, it was around the time of reading that I started leaning into the idea of starting These Are The Days.
And I’m thinking I should print something off to strengthen the accountability factor 🤩
I could go into multiple reasons that made me hugely disappointed and hurt. I honestly have felt differently about situations like that. For example.. one situation years ago happened while I was on-stage and sang a solo. This was in an event for the disabled and was actually the first solo that I had since brain surgery in 2003. I went back and forth for sometime on how I felt about that but I had been raised in theatre and it wasn't a easy life for me. I had to watch everyone else doing what I couldn't. Even though I had been raised in the theatre and someone who I knew from theatre played for me, nobody showed up to support me like I supported them for years. I have no pictures of that event, etc. because nobody showed up to it. Not even one person other than who played for me showed up. Yet another year, etc. when I talked on-stage about my health some of my family showed up as seen here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ZptPQEgdiM It was as if some would only listen to me if I were talking about my health. Still, having grown up in theatre, I had to get used to watching people do certain things I couldn't, etc. I also learned from each and everyone of them though. I learned from that situation too. I later saw tears in someones eyes after the show as if it were sad that nobody came to support me. I understand that because I sometimes have been hurt due to it and other situations. Like I said, I went back and forth for years. Why did the people I loved not love me? Why did those I showed up to clap, cheer and support for years not want to do the same for me? Why would people only do that later when I shared about my health? Was I anything more than my health? I have to admit that I understand having to miss a regular show now but this was the first solo I had since brain surgery. I could hold on to that and actually other situations as well. I could hate but I think some of those situations taught me to be tough. I think that I learned from each and every one of them. I still and probably never will understand some situations but it's not my call. The only thing that I have control over is how I react to things. Those situations taught me that just because I have supported others does not mean that they will support me in return. Situations like that have also taught me what I can do and what I have to give to this world. They've taught me that some will smile and say publicly that they will treat me as the professional artist I am but in reality they won't think of me that way. They've taught me that when that happens not be be shocked, but to find someone who's worthy of my time and will give me the credit that I deserve. To find people who will support me and who will believe in me as an artist. Knowing that has helped me to believe in myself and know that I have something to give. We all have something to give. We all can choose to be sad or we can choose to be a little wiser and stronger. I hope that everyone chooses to be a little wiser and stronger.
I think it’s so important to be around those who match our energy, and who ideally support us just as much as we support them. Granted, we all have high and low seasons, so it’s not always possible to give, but it seems to me like those who repeatedly take are telling us how important we are to them. I’ve been in a similar situation recently and let that relationship go after years of what can only be described as me putting energy in and them pulling energy out. It wasn’t in any way reciprocal.
I know what you mean and agree. There are many in theatre who are supportive of others, etc. I think that maybe my situation made some sad but I was also told NOT to invite those from theatre. I was told that stage couldn't handle the amount of people that would come. All in all, I would get myself out of the situation I am in if I had the money to. I have to continue to only look at the positive right now in order to get by each day. Which I suppose is sad to a point but it's my life right now. It IS draining but I can't let that win. In my health, all I can do is hope for freedom. When you need certain things to live, people have something to hold over your head. One of the main things I learned is to get a job and rely on nobody to buy my freedom. Not to give up and maybe one day I'll have it.
I’m a big fan of reframing rejection. I spent my first season of querying doing that — my kids made certificates for me to fill out every time a no came back. It was great! And then in the spring I lost my father-in-law and kept querying and every no was just… demoralizing. I took the summer to recover (wrote about this in my recent essay) and ended up redirecting for a bit. It was good for me to take stock, to remember all that rejection was not BAD… just eventually bad timing, personally.
When I’m ready to put the work out there again, it’s good to have reminders like these you’ve modeled here! So thank you!
Love this, Sarah. As you know I wrote about being inspired by Liz Mosley too and I've been going for rejections :) And, I've had some silence but no actual nos and several yeses that I've been thrilled about and may not have felt brave enough to ask for if I wasn't taking this approach. Looking forward to hearing more about how your challenge goes. And well done for the magazine features!
Thanks, Gabrielle! Yes, a few folk seem to have been inspired to do their own rejection challenge. I had a lovely yes this morning so that was a nice way to start the week!
It's true that by confronting and learning from rejection, we become more resilient and daring. Your idea of taking on a 30-Day Rejection Challenge resonates with mine. I have also just written a piece of 30-day challenge. I find these challenges to be valuable tools for anyone looking to tackle rejection more playfully and productively. Thank you for sharing your journey, and I look forward to hearing more about your experiences with the 30-Day Rejection Challenge and how it shapes your creative growth.
Thanks so much, Winston! The process feels a little confronting, but as you've said I'll undoubtedly learn a lot from the experience. Good luck with your own challenge!
Brilliantly articulated Sarah ‘So often, what looks or feels like rejection is a course correct. A little whisper telling you, 'not this way, but that way'.’ Really stunning writing, such wise words 💫🙏🏻
You write so beautifully Sarah. I love that you’ve mentioned Katie too, her work is just amazing and I love how playful and fun she is with her work. She has a lightheartedness that is just lovely. These words of yours are just perfect “So often, what looks or feels like rejection is a course correct. A little whisper telling you, 'not this way, but that way'.” Love this ♥️
Thank you so much, Emily! I’ve only recently discovered Katie and couldn’t agree more. Her work is so bold and playful. She always sparks my curiosity 💛
Oh my goodness, I just lost my entire comment, possibly a lesson in itself!
In summary, I loved your reframe of rejection and find your take on it brave, bold and brilliant.
In PR, I experienced daily rejections (or worse, radio silence) when pitching stories. Although it is a skill to place the right story for the right opportunity, there are so many forces at play that you become quite resilient and also realise that is also a case of very gradually, strategically chipping away. I love that you successfully placed a feature in a magazine (and online) and can’t wait to see them! There were also the bigger rejections after client pitches, by ensuring I didn’t become too attached, I was able to move on quite quickly but this is easier said than done when you pour your heart into a vision. There always seems to be a reason or lesson entwined in rejection, as you say.
And for the record, I love the fact that you offer one concept — to me that feels streamlined, focused and tailored to the brief, also taking the exhaustion that comes with indecision away!
I would love to hear more about how you do the rejection challenge, sounds brilliant for growth! xx
I hate it when that happens! It’s always when you’re at the end of typing something juicy too!
Gosh, yes, PR. I first think of writing as the space where you need to be most resilient but in PR it’s in your face every day.
And thanks for the support of a single concept. I find that people are initially surprised because they want three completely different ideas presented to them. But why the need for that if we can zone in on what matters most and spend our time more wisely? Once I explain my thinking people are almost always on board!
I’ll be documenting more on Instagram but will definitely share a conclusion here 😀💛
Yes absolutely agree on the one concept approach, to me it shows how well you have got to know the client and confidence in your idea. Having one concept with an opportunity to discuss and tweak sounds ideal to me.
Look forward to following you rejection challenge journey! xx
Glad you appreciate the thought behind it. When I look back at very old projects (we're talking 10+ years ago) where I did offer more than one design route, resource would often be wasted on refining (or hacking away at) the idea I liked least. It would often turn into a "frankenstein" that wasn't aligned with the client's vision or values. But we learn!
I'm really enjoying the rejection challenge, so far. I've not had a 'no' yet...but one response that I think will end up being a no. And I'm still waiting on a direct 'yes', although I've had two indirect invitations to guest on podcasts. Still awaiting some replies so let's see how week two goes!
Ahh I’m so glad that came across as I was concerned it might sound too serious! I really do want to engage in the process in a playful way but we’ll see if I’m smiling in a few weeks 🙃
I had a huge disappointment a couple of years ago where a big project that I was working on fell through and it broke my heart for the longest time. But it was a whisper ’not this way’. I didn’t know which way instead then, but I do now 🥹
I try to remind myself that what’s for me won’t go by me but it doesn’t change the icky feelings in those soul breaking moments! It’s hard not to take it personally but I’m glad it moved you onto even better things ✨
That’s such a lovely way of thinking of it. I remember that from your podcast with Claire Coupland. Somethings are meant for us and some aren’t, and that’s ok. ♥️
Ahh yes! I quoted my lovely wee granny. “Whit’s fir ye’ll no go by ye” 💫
It has stayed with me!! 🤩
Such wise lessons and reminders! Thank you Sarah!
Rejections can feel so uncomfortable and we really need to feel safe in our body and ourselves to see the lessons and opportunities in them, I realised a while back. Being able to receive them as a gift is a gift in itself that I can now happily receiving over and over again.
Btw Email templates are the best and of course they can always be customised. I swear by them to get started and out of the „oh gosh how to even start“ phase. 💜
You’re so right about the getting started thing. Having templates is so much simpler than starting from a blank page!
Also appreciate your point about feeling safe in ourselves. Something I perhaps missed from my piece is the need to feel resourced when “seeking rejection” since it doesn’t help to be continually outwith your comfort zone 💛
A timely read, Sarah. I had a sore rejection recently, but must admit that the pain of waiting was much worse than receiving the eventual decision. I moved on pretty quickly and definitely resonate with that experience you describe of feeling focused to move forwards.
On a slightly different tip, though, is the submission spreadsheet my agent sent me last week... Oh lordy! Why is a lovely rejection so much harder to take than a cold, hard one would be?! More on this on Sunday. But for now, let's sit together as we welcome the opportunities being turned down brings!
And I hear you on moving on quickly. Rejection, while uncomfortable, really does sharpen our ability to recover from setbacks 🙂
Ah that first rejection I touch on was a lovely one. The second was just so bloody strange. I almost prefer cold and hard!
Not sure if you’ve had the chance to read The Cut article but I found it helpful in terms of emotionally and mentally preparing myself for what’s to come 💛
https://www.thecut.com/article/writers-on-dealing-with-rejection.html
Sarah you are SO smart! I LOVED reading this! I’m still working through my 100 rejections list - it’s on my office wall but I HAD to pause to do more of the inner work as I spotted a pattern in the “nos” - it’s fascinating work! Beautiful piece! ✨✍️💜
You’re too kind, Claire. Thanks so much 🥹
I spent the morning procrastinating over the post as it felt a tad vulnerable to share, then spent this afternoon cuddling with the littlest as he’s a little under the weather. So I almost didn’t publish it at all!
We’re you inspired by Katie Chappell or did your challenge come about another way? It’s great you spotted a pattern and identified what you needed to do next 💛
Oh I hear you on the vulnerability! It’s a special kind of magic to press post on this work!
Your writing is so sophisticated and generous in this space - I feel like I got to know you on such a deeper level in this piece particularly. The storytelling of the pitch and the last two is SO relatable. I got down to the last two for a dream job when my son was small and the feedback was they couldn’t decide and hoped to work with me freelance so they gave it to the other candidate.
Hmm I know Katie’s work - she lives just up the road from me but I feel like originally it might have been in Tara Morr’s book Playing Big or I was listening to Tiffany Han around the same time...
But the download printable I use is from my artist friend Sarah Shotts and I give myself a gold star for every funding app or pitch I make.
The interesting thing recently is I’ve used it for the Sparkle Pod and everyone has said YES! Like emailed straight back and I’m like OH that was easy! 😆
I doubt I would have done it without the chart this year! ✨ 🌟
Oh I loved Playing Big. That book really did leave an impression. In fact, it was around the time of reading that I started leaning into the idea of starting These Are The Days.
And I’m thinking I should print something off to strengthen the accountability factor 🤩
I could go into multiple reasons that made me hugely disappointed and hurt. I honestly have felt differently about situations like that. For example.. one situation years ago happened while I was on-stage and sang a solo. This was in an event for the disabled and was actually the first solo that I had since brain surgery in 2003. I went back and forth for sometime on how I felt about that but I had been raised in theatre and it wasn't a easy life for me. I had to watch everyone else doing what I couldn't. Even though I had been raised in the theatre and someone who I knew from theatre played for me, nobody showed up to support me like I supported them for years. I have no pictures of that event, etc. because nobody showed up to it. Not even one person other than who played for me showed up. Yet another year, etc. when I talked on-stage about my health some of my family showed up as seen here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ZptPQEgdiM It was as if some would only listen to me if I were talking about my health. Still, having grown up in theatre, I had to get used to watching people do certain things I couldn't, etc. I also learned from each and everyone of them though. I learned from that situation too. I later saw tears in someones eyes after the show as if it were sad that nobody came to support me. I understand that because I sometimes have been hurt due to it and other situations. Like I said, I went back and forth for years. Why did the people I loved not love me? Why did those I showed up to clap, cheer and support for years not want to do the same for me? Why would people only do that later when I shared about my health? Was I anything more than my health? I have to admit that I understand having to miss a regular show now but this was the first solo I had since brain surgery. I could hold on to that and actually other situations as well. I could hate but I think some of those situations taught me to be tough. I think that I learned from each and every one of them. I still and probably never will understand some situations but it's not my call. The only thing that I have control over is how I react to things. Those situations taught me that just because I have supported others does not mean that they will support me in return. Situations like that have also taught me what I can do and what I have to give to this world. They've taught me that some will smile and say publicly that they will treat me as the professional artist I am but in reality they won't think of me that way. They've taught me that when that happens not be be shocked, but to find someone who's worthy of my time and will give me the credit that I deserve. To find people who will support me and who will believe in me as an artist. Knowing that has helped me to believe in myself and know that I have something to give. We all have something to give. We all can choose to be sad or we can choose to be a little wiser and stronger. I hope that everyone chooses to be a little wiser and stronger.
I think it’s so important to be around those who match our energy, and who ideally support us just as much as we support them. Granted, we all have high and low seasons, so it’s not always possible to give, but it seems to me like those who repeatedly take are telling us how important we are to them. I’ve been in a similar situation recently and let that relationship go after years of what can only be described as me putting energy in and them pulling energy out. It wasn’t in any way reciprocal.
I know what you mean and agree. There are many in theatre who are supportive of others, etc. I think that maybe my situation made some sad but I was also told NOT to invite those from theatre. I was told that stage couldn't handle the amount of people that would come. All in all, I would get myself out of the situation I am in if I had the money to. I have to continue to only look at the positive right now in order to get by each day. Which I suppose is sad to a point but it's my life right now. It IS draining but I can't let that win. In my health, all I can do is hope for freedom. When you need certain things to live, people have something to hold over your head. One of the main things I learned is to get a job and rely on nobody to buy my freedom. Not to give up and maybe one day I'll have it.
I’m a big fan of reframing rejection. I spent my first season of querying doing that — my kids made certificates for me to fill out every time a no came back. It was great! And then in the spring I lost my father-in-law and kept querying and every no was just… demoralizing. I took the summer to recover (wrote about this in my recent essay) and ended up redirecting for a bit. It was good for me to take stock, to remember all that rejection was not BAD… just eventually bad timing, personally.
When I’m ready to put the work out there again, it’s good to have reminders like these you’ve modeled here! So thank you!
You’re so welcome! We definitely need to be in a safe space before we put ourselves out there. I’ve noticed that myself this month!
Love this, Sarah. As you know I wrote about being inspired by Liz Mosley too and I've been going for rejections :) And, I've had some silence but no actual nos and several yeses that I've been thrilled about and may not have felt brave enough to ask for if I wasn't taking this approach. Looking forward to hearing more about how your challenge goes. And well done for the magazine features!
Thanks, Gabrielle! Yes, a few folk seem to have been inspired to do their own rejection challenge. I had a lovely yes this morning so that was a nice way to start the week!
It's true that by confronting and learning from rejection, we become more resilient and daring. Your idea of taking on a 30-Day Rejection Challenge resonates with mine. I have also just written a piece of 30-day challenge. I find these challenges to be valuable tools for anyone looking to tackle rejection more playfully and productively. Thank you for sharing your journey, and I look forward to hearing more about your experiences with the 30-Day Rejection Challenge and how it shapes your creative growth.
Thanks so much, Winston! The process feels a little confronting, but as you've said I'll undoubtedly learn a lot from the experience. Good luck with your own challenge!
Brilliantly articulated Sarah ‘So often, what looks or feels like rejection is a course correct. A little whisper telling you, 'not this way, but that way'.’ Really stunning writing, such wise words 💫🙏🏻
That’s really kind, thank you, Lisa! 🥹💛
You write so beautifully Sarah. I love that you’ve mentioned Katie too, her work is just amazing and I love how playful and fun she is with her work. She has a lightheartedness that is just lovely. These words of yours are just perfect “So often, what looks or feels like rejection is a course correct. A little whisper telling you, 'not this way, but that way'.” Love this ♥️
Thank you so much, Emily! I’ve only recently discovered Katie and couldn’t agree more. Her work is so bold and playful. She always sparks my curiosity 💛
Oh my goodness, I just lost my entire comment, possibly a lesson in itself!
In summary, I loved your reframe of rejection and find your take on it brave, bold and brilliant.
In PR, I experienced daily rejections (or worse, radio silence) when pitching stories. Although it is a skill to place the right story for the right opportunity, there are so many forces at play that you become quite resilient and also realise that is also a case of very gradually, strategically chipping away. I love that you successfully placed a feature in a magazine (and online) and can’t wait to see them! There were also the bigger rejections after client pitches, by ensuring I didn’t become too attached, I was able to move on quite quickly but this is easier said than done when you pour your heart into a vision. There always seems to be a reason or lesson entwined in rejection, as you say.
And for the record, I love the fact that you offer one concept — to me that feels streamlined, focused and tailored to the brief, also taking the exhaustion that comes with indecision away!
I would love to hear more about how you do the rejection challenge, sounds brilliant for growth! xx
I hate it when that happens! It’s always when you’re at the end of typing something juicy too!
Gosh, yes, PR. I first think of writing as the space where you need to be most resilient but in PR it’s in your face every day.
And thanks for the support of a single concept. I find that people are initially surprised because they want three completely different ideas presented to them. But why the need for that if we can zone in on what matters most and spend our time more wisely? Once I explain my thinking people are almost always on board!
I’ll be documenting more on Instagram but will definitely share a conclusion here 😀💛
Always!
Yes absolutely agree on the one concept approach, to me it shows how well you have got to know the client and confidence in your idea. Having one concept with an opportunity to discuss and tweak sounds ideal to me.
Look forward to following you rejection challenge journey! xx
Glad you appreciate the thought behind it. When I look back at very old projects (we're talking 10+ years ago) where I did offer more than one design route, resource would often be wasted on refining (or hacking away at) the idea I liked least. It would often turn into a "frankenstein" that wasn't aligned with the client's vision or values. But we learn!
I'm really enjoying the rejection challenge, so far. I've not had a 'no' yet...but one response that I think will end up being a no. And I'm still waiting on a direct 'yes', although I've had two indirect invitations to guest on podcasts. Still awaiting some replies so let's see how week two goes!
Loved reading this. You make it feel so playful, which of course I know is important to you.
Ahh I’m so glad that came across as I was concerned it might sound too serious! I really do want to engage in the process in a playful way but we’ll see if I’m smiling in a few weeks 🙃