Reflecting on rejection
On grit + grace + choosing courage over comfort
In November, I embarked on an unusual challenge: a month-long experience of embracing rejection.
Over the course of 30 days, I approached 30 individuals and businesses who might like to collaborate or support me through marketing or sponsorship. I pitched to authors, editors, magazines, podcasts and writers.
My aim was to shift my perspective, and armed with the grit to achieve and the grace to accept, I told myself that this would be relatively simple and that any turndown would free me up for a more aligned opportunity.
“I have always learned more from rejection and failure than from acceptance and success.”
— Henry Rollins
The reality, of course, was very different. Encountering my first ‘no’ was awkward, and a rebuff on the last day stung like hell. Even more sticky was the silence. Ugh! Left in limbo, I was unsure if my emails were being overlooked or simply not resonating.
At one point, the temptation to quit loomed heavy, but I managed to pick myself back up, which led to a pinch-me moment!
From there, I got a little bolder and braver, and I was left with a growing sense of abundance.
“So often, what looks or feels like rejection is a course correct. A little whisper telling you, 'Not this way, but that way'.”
The approach
I started by creating a list of 30 potential opportunities from an original list of 50 I had jotted down. If you like, you can read more about the background of the challenge.
And since accountability is always welcome, I joined others in committing to a 30-day challenge on Instagram. I then:
Created email templates to simplify communication
Scheduled emails when in a positive frame of mind
Produced a pitch deck to help with sponsorship
Sharing my experience strengthened me against negativity and lightened any sense of discouragement. It got easier to bounce back, and I started to see the silence as less of a ‘no’ and more of a ‘not yet’.
I also used the challenge to approach collaborators about my Brand Seasons project. You might say I went easy on myself here, but it made sense to be resourceful and balance the prospects.
The wins
The final days of the challenge were hard, and I felt a little “less than”, but what I lost out on in a sponsorship agreement (which I thought was a done deal) was gained in an incredible writing project. In fact, I might go as far as to say it’s a career highlight.
Being paid to write has been a goal of mine for some time, and I received not one but two invitations to be paid for my words. I doubt I would have noticed those calls for writers had my mind not been alert to the possibilities. And possibility, in my mind, sits on the other side of the coin from rejection.
So what were the results?
NO x 3
YES x 13
MAYBE x 3
SILENCE X 11
EDIT: I thought it might help to clarify that these ‘asks’ were mostly collaborative in nature. I approached one potential sponsor and the paid writing opportunities I’ve mentioned were a welcome surprise! The rest were pitches to podcasts and publications, and invitations for others to join me in bringing a side project to life.
Where there is a ‘maybe’ or ‘silence’, it is a chance to follow up again in the new year. If it feels aligned. There were a couple of instances where I approached people and later thought, ‘Is that right for me?’, and I think it’s helpful to trust those feelings.
I've also started to see 'no' or 'not yet' in a softer light and as redirection towards more aligned openings. In moments of self-doubt, I’m guided towards the positives, such as genuine feedback or suggestions.
There were also unexpected outcomes, such as podcast invitations and sparking conversations. I loved offering and receiving encouragement along the way.
“I didn’t have firm or high expectations, but this wee adventure unfolded beyond what I had imagined.”
The learnings
Since I received a fair amount of ‘yeses’, I held back on reaching out to some podcast hosts because I knew I wouldn’t have the capacity for the interviews, which made space to try other things.
Throughout the month, I also gleaned a few insights:
On alignment: The challenge reminded me to identify and pursue what resonated with me, my goals and my plans. Also, not all paths are meant to cross.
On identity: Knockbacks are often based on circumstance and not a reflection of me or my worth. Accepting this early on helped me detach any sense of rejection from who I am.
On resilience: Rejection feels like an invitation for transformation. I’ve always known it was about redirection, but somehow it feels even more powerful.
On success: The unexpected influx of 'yeses' taught me the importance of balancing opportunities and letting go of negative experiences.
On timing: Sometimes, the timing just isn’t right. Or responses may have been more likely had I taken this on earlier rather than later in the year.
Rejection, I believe, is an essential step on the creative path.
It means we’re dreaming and daring. And though my energy is waning at this point, I’m glad I chose courage over comfort because it opened doors to things I would have otherwise missed.
Reflecting on my experience, I'm curious – where can you take a leap and put yourself out there?
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Thank you for sharing your experience and to know it's been so useful and insightful for you.
A few thoughts:
- speaking as someone who makes cold approaches and has sold sponsorships, it's the hardest, hardest thing to get over the line. Your response rate is MAGNIFICENT. You should be proud.
- the no's and the silences can feel personal, but of course, they very rarely are.
- it's a tough world out there at present. Business and people alike are paying more attention than ever to expenditure. Many of us are in survival mode. But the seasons of economics will roll past, and being in the frame for the long haul, not the quick win, is more important now than ever. In my professional word, it's taking months, even years in cases, to get new business over the line. We're all exercising caution and for good reason.
- no is always a hard response to absorb, especially when it's to something we pour ourself into. Yes can be equally as difficult, sometimes, as it brings with it the pressure to satisfy. That's why it's good for us as humans to walk through the valley between, learning to deal with both as they fall from the hillsides, at our feet. It helps us become more balanced versions of ourselves.
I'm conscious I've gone on far longer than I intended, so I'll stop now 😄
I loved reading this. I only discovered you yesterday. What courage that took to undertake such a task and how enlightening it must have been. Not necessarily from the responses or lack of, where they occurred, but from your own determination and those little glimmers of insight you got when you felt that opportunity wouldn't be right for you anyway.
I am stuck in a stagnant place and want to progress. Your experiment gives me courage to try something new. I don't have the resilience for 30 days but perhaps I could split that into 10 day segments.
Thank you for the inspiration! Sorry for the long reply!