Finding compassion within comparison
A creative field guide for the overthinker
After writing my first post of 2024 about dreaming and planning, a familiar sense of urgency crept in, pressing me to not only show up but keep up.
These feelings typically stem from anxiety, comparison, overwhelm, or a blend of all three. But even the presence of one can dampen my creative spirit.
While community is vital in sustaining connection within and around my business, which now includes
, writing here comes with its challenges. And the voice of comparison has been circling my thoughts lately.I believe that a writer is simply one who writes, but my inner critic still seeds my mind with doubts about my credentials. And though I also know we are free to share what we wish to share, and navigate our publications in a way that feels good for us, balancing the commercial with the creative can get even the most intentional of folks tangled up.
But this tendency to overthink isn’t new. It’s followed me for some time. And I know that any comparison or confusion I might feel will follow with realisation and understanding.
Ultimately, it’s about dialling up the compassion and dialling down the comparison. Moving back into my own lane and tending to my work, my way.
“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
— Oscar Wilde
As with any shift—and my shift was creating a membership for paid subscribers here on Substack—the wondering, the searching, and the questioning are natural. I was prepared for pressure when I made this move because whenever I do something stretchy, my instinct is to hide out. But rather than avoid those tricky feelings, I’ve learnt to meet them through a more curious lens.
Feeling my way around the comparison—getting distracted by other approaches to memberships or offerings—led me back to
and her take on viewing Substack as a mini-press. In the spirit of mutual support, Ruth explored the opportunities of being your own indie publisher, sharing insightful questions and suggested actions to spark inventiveness and playfulness. And the possibilities ARE endless, especially when you’re playing with less of a newsletter and more of a hybrid—part blog, part email, part community.The beauty of this space lies in its flexibility. You don't have to master every feature from the off or know exactly what you’re doing or why. We’re safe to play today and pivot later. And we can combat anxious feelings by being open and honest about an offering being a moving, changing thing.
Dialling up the compassion
Being more compassionate and kinder towards ourselves can offer fuel and see us through the troughs, providing fresh perspectives and new understanding. It’s about being intentional. Here, I’m sharing several strategies.
Suggestions for enhancing compassion:
Creative cross-training: Engage in activities that differ from your primary discipline. A writer might try painting to move them from the work of achieving to the joy of experimenting.
Nature immersion: The sensory experience of being outdoors—the sights, the sounds and the sensations—can stimulate us and offer much-needed respite from the loud digital world.
Constructive self-talk: Our internal dialogue has a huge impact on our creativity. Replace that critical voice with the words of a friend. Acknowledge and encourage!
Honouring triumphs: Recognise and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small. It’s about building confidence and a sense of accomplishment as you go. Little by little.
Cultivating growth: A growth mindset can help us frame challenges as opportunities. Replace thoughts like "I can't do it" with "What can I learn from this experience?"
Books you might find helpful:
Blue Mind: How Water Makes You Happier, More Connected and Better at What You Do by Wallace J. Nichols
Mindset - Updated Edition: Changing The Way You Think to Fulfil Your Potential by Dr Carol Dweck
How to Break Up With Your Phone: The 30-Day Plan to Take Back Your Life by Catherine Price
“Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself”
— Baz Luhrmann, Wear Sunscreen
Dialling down the comparison
Comparison can be a natural part of our creative lives. It can even move us towards what we want to make more space for. Those I’m drawn to are often mirrors for things I have had to or need to work on. But, in excess, it can be destructive.
Techniques for reducing comparison:
Identify triggers: What activates those feelings of comparison? Digital spaces, certain environments, or specific individuals? Be mindful of your triggers and take action to limit them.
Reducing exposure: Knowing and respecting your boundaries is an important part of managing our use of digital spaces and curating a more positive experience for ourselves.
Write it out: Writing allows your thoughts to unravel, bringing you into the here and now and creating greater awareness that helps you choose which thoughts to give your energy to.
Switching mindset: Caught yourself comparing? Pivot to admiring. This shift towards admiration and seeking inspiration deepens our relationship with others and ourselves.
Understanding your value: It’s vital to embrace your unique approach to your practice. Reflect on what makes you different, what sets your work apart, and the value you bring.
Books you might find helpful:
Steal Like an Artist: 10 Things Nobody Told You About Being Creative by Austin Kleon
The Comparison Cure: How to be Less ‘Them' and More You by Lucy Sheridan
The Book of Do: A Manual for Living by Miranda West
By cultivating a healthy perspective on comparison and realising that it’s part and parcel of being creative, I believe we can overcome feelings of not enough.
It’s also important to remember that the most rewarding comparisons are those we make with our past selves when we consider just how far we’ve come.
How do you dial up the compassion and dial down the comparison?
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Here for this today, Sarah... Been feeling deeply a lot of what you've written about, particularly around keeping up. Being able to keep up with all the writing I want to do, the reading, the commenting and the sharing. This is and isn't a Substack-thing, I know! I am trying to listen to my body (which is screaming at me intermittently rn) and find ways to unplug myself from the noise, but... Oh it is HARD.
Such an important message. And something I’ve been feeling in my bones of late… I know my work has value, I know my work is important to share, but it’s very hard not to get caught in the comparison trap when you see ‘others’ doing so well and I feel like I’m still battling to get readers, one by one by one 😂 love the little by little sentiment so thank you!