Notelets on Nurture #06

Releasing comparison + quietening our inner critic

Over the last few weeks, I’ve found my way back to the page. More specifically, a memoir. Reflections that chart my experiences of secondary infertility, recurrent miscarriage and chronic illness, and the solace found in living a more curious and creative life.

I was inspired to “begin again” during the first five days of Essay Camp. However, feeling my way around the project, which I paused while going through fertility treatment and, at long last, a second healthy pregnancy, hasn’t been without its hurdles. Faced with a 40,000-word tapestry of tales, I’m tasked with the delicate job of examining each thread.

“I will not reason and compare: my business is to create.”

— William Blake

Returning to any creative endeavour after a hiatus can rouse feelings of comparison and uncertainty. That familiar critic sits in the background, questioning our ‘why’ and worth. But my devotion to finishing this manuscript is unwavering. So, I resume the rhythmic tap, tap, tapping of tiny stories to add to the fragments that may someday, somehow, become book-bound.

Last week,

Laura Oldfield

and I got onto the topic of quietening that inner dialogue. So, for today’s notelet, she’s sharing some candid insights around the voices of comparison and criticism.

Laura is a coach and mentor for small creative business owners. She teaches music, sings and writes, and is fascinated by cyclical and seasonal living.

Supporting your inner mentor
with Laura Oldfield

I am an obsessive champion for creativity, for the act of creating something from nothing but the whisper of an idea in your head. The magic of putting pen to paper or fingertips to keyboard. This platform has been a diplomatic den of delights, and I have been, at times, inspired, challenged and entertained by others writing here.

And yet...I have also heard the noisy voice of comparisonitis, that inner critic nagging and niggling away: "She is so much more consistent than you...she is so much more popular than you...she is so much more creative than you." This can feel particularly acute when you’re in your own echo chamber of Substack accounts or Instagram followers (in my instance, accounts that explore career change, midlife, slow living, creativity, motherhood - all marvellous topics, unless you're in comparison freeze mode).

Here's the thing: that inner critic? I know she's trying to keep me safe. To shield myself from my fear, a fear that will nearly always emerge when we put a part of ourselves onto the internet and wait for the thoughts and judgements of others. I have worked hard to nurture my creative voice (and to help my clients do the same in my coaching): that discipline of regular creation is as important as inspiration. With this in mind, here are four things that might just help you do the same:

1. Take the time to truly listen to your voice

   This, among other things, is the public representation of your personal style or aesthetic, broader creative vision, and the values you want to convey through your work. My voice calls me to sing about (among other things) creative processes, being a multi-hyphen, career change, motherhood, matrescence and the juggle, the power of online and in-person communities, music, seasonal living, good flat whites...what do you need to sing about? What do you have to share? What aligns with your values?

2. Create before you consume

   If I had a tattoo, I suspect it would say this. It's so easy to find yourself wondering where you've lost the last hour before realising you've been busy gently criticising yourself for not writing as much as all the other people's work you've read. The more I prioritise my own creation before the consumption of others, the more my own voice is allowed to flourish. 

3. Comparison will never help you

   Not even to "spur you on" to be more "driven": sorry.

   Unless your confidence is rock-solid, comparison pretty much always leads to self-doubt and fragile confidence. Rather than fixating on others' successes, allowing yourself to enjoy the processes and pathways can be the ultimate success. Yes, you want a committed readership. Yes, you want to earn good money. Yes, you want to be valued and respected. Yet, the process requires us to have our blinkers on, our hearts firmly centred on our work and our precious energy reserved only for ourselves.

4. Found your creative voice?

   Brilliant. Keep nurturing it, and find others who will when you can't.

   Staying creative and staying attuned to your creative voice is a perpetual cycle of self-discovery (not self-improvement: you have nothing to "improve" about yourself before you give yourself permission to create). That self-discovery can be exhausting, especially if you are acutely self-aware and a highly empathetic soul. This is why knowing your values is so mission-critical. That, and having trusted mentors, peers and pals who can help you bloom, even if you feel you're stagnating. Ultimately, treat yourself and your creative experiments with kindness.

Discover more about Laura or become a part of her supportive Substack community, destination: balance, where she delves into the richness of multihyphenism, the realities of motherhood, and the beauty of our humanness and messiness.

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